English class journal from 23 February 1993:

There is a disturbing trend out there that would probably really bother me if I knew what it was.

It is still my undaunted opinion that LeeAnn has a nice tush.

Sometimes, while hurtling through life, I find that my needs are best suited when I’m grumpy and uncooperative. Perhaps a bit disheveled. I often find that when I’m downwind of people I smell cigarette smoke, and I think, “That person has been either in the bathroom or the teachers’ lounge.”

The best of people are those who know when to say, “Thanks, but I don’t like rock fragments in my intestines, and I don’t think you should pressure me into smoking cheese.”

The worst of people are those who don’t understand what the best of people say.

Daily Hey Magic Number: 10

English class journal entry from 3 September 1992:

There is one thing, one thing only that I know for certain: Math class makes me slightly woozy. Either I’m falling asleep or I’m totally confused. Usually both. My head is so full of cotton right now, it’s not even funny. But I guess a head full of cotton would look pretty funny. Just a big old head, cotton coming out the ears, the mouth, the nostrils and eye sockets. Cotton growing out as hair. Actually, I guess it would look kind of gross. The person would be a victim of a sentient mutant Q-tip monster. That would make a pretty good movie. Certainly something more interesting than “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer”. Good night.

Daily Hey Magic Number: 11

English class journal entry from 29 October 1991:

I think my brain is leaking. I’m not sure, that fluid on my pillow could have been drool, but I kind of feel like my brain is starting to dry up. When I shake my head, I don’t hear any swishing around anymore. So this is where all of that stuff in my throat came from. I keep picturing the hamwater at the bottom of a Lunchables tray floating around in my skull, coming out of my brain. I think the nervous system is directly related to gastric problems. I think the schools should offer naptime as a semester course. I think we shouldn’t be pressured into learning things that we don’t need to know. I was already pushed over the edge; I just landed on a flagpole.

Daily Hey Magic Number: 12

English class journal entry from 21 January 1993:

Hey, kids! Today’s quote is “Boy, I really pulled that one out of my butt!!” As in, “Hey! A B-minus! Boy, I really pulled that one out of my butt!” Pulled it out, unfolded it, read the message, and threw it away. If it came out of my butt there is no real reason to keep it around for a long time anyway. I definitely do not put it back. There’s a sign on my butt that says “Exit Only”. That includes suppositories. If it has to go in my butt, it isn’t any good for me. But if it comes out of my butt, it’s nothing but good stuff.

Daily Hey Magic Number: 13

Merry is fun, and she takes a lot of pictures of her cats.

Daily Hey Magic Number: 15

No! No! I’ll never give up! I’m so tired, though… so, so tired…

Daily Hey Magic Number: 16

Lauren is something else!

Daily Hey Magic Number: 17

Lucubus “diary” entry from 19 June 1991. I think it is hilarious:

I don’t have much time to write. Summer school has been very productive yesterday and today. Kenny told Holly that I think she’s hot. I keep telling everyone I’m going to break up with Stephanie but I never call her so I can’t do it. I wouldn’t mind taking Holly to the movies or something but it’s Maria, Katie, and Kelley that I really like. Katie mostly. I can’t seem to keep her out of my head and I want to talk to her all the time… I hope I don’t annoy her. Kelley mentioned on the phone today that Katie told her something about me but as of yet I’m not exactly sure what. I will talk to Katie tomorrow.

Daily Hey Magic Number: 18

English class journal entry from 4 December 1991:

The answer to my questions lies beyond the Jeopardy! category board. It lies beyond the walls and the floors and the ceilings that lie beyond me. It lies beyond the Hair Club from Men and the local Iraqi eatery. It lies beyond the “Halls” of medicine and beyond the Kool-Aid Wacky Warehouse. It lies beyond the manufacturers of red pens and corduroy contraceptive devices. It lies beyond the Trump Taj Mahal. It lies beyond the Washington Monument (well, at least a picture of it). It lies beyond the puppies and the kittens and the cute little mice without hair. It lies beyond the horseys and the piglets and the sea cows of this world, and yea verily it lies beyond this place. Wait, no it doesn’t. I don’t know where the hell it is. I don’t even know what my questions are. Never mind.

Daily Hey Magic Number: 19

I have officially halved the number of days I am behind on the Daily Hey. I can’t believe I started a month and a half behind! I am some sort of crazy slacker.

Daily Hey Magic Number: 20

English class journal entry from 7 April 1992:

I’m selling candy!
I’m selling candy!
Candy!
Candy!
I hope nobody steals my candy.
That would make me maaaaaaad.
I’m a dangerous man if you steal my candy.
I’m your worst enemy if you steal my candy.
If you steal my candy, you can consider yourself a dead man.
I’ve got connections with the Beavercreek candy mafia.
Stealers of my candy will not wake up the next day.

Daily Hey Magic Number: 21

English class journal entry from 7 February 1992:

Abject means wretched or miserable. A conjecture is a guess. To be dejected is to be depressed. An injection is an introduction or a shot of fluid taken in through the veins. If something jetties, it projects. Something objectionable is often unpleasant and of questionable taste. A projectile is something thrown or fired. To reject is to throw out. Something subjective is based on someone’s personal opinions. Trajectory is how a dog curves as it flies through the air.

Daily Hey Magic Number: 22