1. My name is Oona.
2. I am a married mother of two.
3. I own seventeen cats.
4. I breed them for combat.
5. My friends tell me I look just like Alec Baldwin.
6. I have a weave.
7. I was a cast member on You Can’t Do That On Television.
8. I have collagen injections in my lips.
9. I received manual stimulation from a famous teenaged actress at theatre camp four years ago.
10. My college major was biomechanical engineering.
11. I am currently employed as a fencing instructor.
12. For fun I tap dance for coins on subway platforms.
13. I have twelve tattoos.
14. One of them appears twice.
15. This was the result of an oversight on my part.
16. I collect gas masks.
17. I own seven of them.
18. I am famous for illustrating children’s books about poop.
19. My body odor smells like chicken broth.
20. I apply my freckles daily with a brown marker.
21. I am Jewish.
22. I am a rabbi.
23. If I was a girl, my parents were going to name me “Katie-Baby”.
24. I painted the walls of my apartment black.
25. I did not recieve the landlord’s permission to do this.
26. I have dyed my hair six different colors over the last three weeks.
27. I am now bald.
28. I have a pencil fetish.
29. I have impregnated over seven thousand women.
30. I am your long-lost twin brother.
31. I lost my virginity in a ferris wheel…
32. …one week ago today.
33. I can’t stop eating olives.
34. I make gin in my bathtub.
35. It is chocolate-flavored.
36. This is because I bathe in melted chocolate.
37. I am an instrument of the Lord.
38. Possibly a saxophone.
39. I was Pat Buchanan’s running mate in the 2000 election.
40. I had a torrid love affair with Saturday Night Live’s Melanie Hutsell.
41. My grandfather never used an indoor bathroom once in his life.
42. My fingernails are sensitive to laser beams.
43. I have a birthmark shaped like Nixon on the back of my left thigh.
44. I am allergic to peanuts.
45. I am allergic to newsprint.
46. I am allergic to pleather.
47. I gave birth to a man just to watch him be born.
48. I have been married one hundred thousand times.
49. That was a rough week.
50. I believe the children are our future.
51. I believe when I fall in love with you it will be forever.
52. Do I believe in miracles? Yes I do. You sexy thing.
53. When no one’s looking I put a pink bow in my hair and call myself “Mary Susan”.
54. My most embarrassing moment: trying to pee in the middle of class, and not being able to go. Too many onlookers!
55. I am a United States Senator.
56. I invented a new clown makeup which wards off evil.
57. My friends call me “Killer”.
58. I’ve only actually killed one or two people.
59. In ‘Nam.
60. I am a successful British comic book writer.
61. I was married briefly to David Geffen.
62. I have starred in three off-off-Broadway productions.
63. I was on that show “Big Brother 2″ until they kicked me off for threatening another contestant with a knife.
64. I play the french horn.
65. I was in the Breeders.
66. Kim Deal owes me fifty dollars.
67. My feet are dry with the ashes of dead babies.
68. There is a comet named after me.
69. I am currently writing an unauthorized biography of Lorenzo Lamas.
70. I have millions of dollars tied up in offshore funds.
71. I drive a pink Corvette.
72. When I was a teenager, my acne was notable for its consistent radial symmetry.
73. I have a large scar that goes across both of my buttocks.
74. My high school principal slashed my there with a scythe.
75. It was part of a safety demonstration about scythes.
76. I do voice-over work for Comedy Central.
77. My best friend died a lonely man, in some Palm Springs a-hotel room.
78. I got the call last Christmas Eve, and they told me the news.
79. I am currently serving consecutive life sentences.
80. They are not for anything in particular.
81. I just woke up one day and felt like serving consecutive life sentences.
82. I haven’t taken my garbage out since April 2000.
83. I answer the phone with “Bite me!”.
84. I was the seventh man on the moon.
85. I keep the company of scarlet women.
86. I am a black belt in jujitsu.
87. I try not to wear shoes.
88. My father is Bob from “Sesame Street”.
89. I shave with a seashell.
90. I am writing this on a Commodore 64.
91. With a ballpoint pen.
92. I had gay sex with Leonardo DiCaprio in a crowded movie theatre.
93. I have thrown up fifty times in a single day.
94. I once proposed to someone on the Jumbotron during a baseball game.
95. That someone was noted Cincinnati Reds relief pitcher Rob Dibble.
96. He said no.
97. But he was extremely flattered.
98. I have artificial eyes.
99. I can’t see the forest for the trees.
100. I have had breast reduction surgery.

Inspired by Mr. Matt Fraction on his forum.