Jonathan K. Chichenshist, a successful lingerie salesman, has been working long, difficult hours to sell the most lingerie for the month of February so that he and his family could win the prize vacation to Puerto Vallarta. As we left him, he was being seduced by the comely Mrs. Billingbuck, whom he does not know is a transvestite. Meanwhile, Esther K. Mutz tunnels her way out of Rustygate Prison with the assistance of her butch lesbian friend, Jenny; and across the country, one twelve-year-old boy named Driddy K. Goppings hops in place in the corner of the bathroom, oblivious to his grandfather’s screams.
CHAPTER 3: FOR WHOM THE WHOM WHOMS
“But, Mrs. Billingbuck!” Jonathan stammered. “I’m a happily married man!”
“So am I!” Mrs. Billingbuck yelled, throwing open her parka.
“Whabbada wah!” Jonathan stammered, staggering backwards off the patio.
“But what’s wrong?” Mrs. Billingbuck inquired.
“She’s a he? He’s a she? Chee!” muttered Jonathan dizzily to himself before passing out in the bushes.
Meanwhile, in Rustygate Prison, Esther and Jenny ceased digging their escape tunnel briefly in order to organize their plans.
“How long is this tunnel so far?” Esther wondered.
“Judging by how long it has taken us to get to this point, and by the amount of dirt we pile up per hour, I would have to say that this tunnel is approximately seventy five thousand miles long,” Jenny noted.
“That’s long,” laughed Esther.
“Too long,” Jenny grumbled. “We have overshot our target escape point by approximately seventy four thousand, nine hundred ninety nine and one half miles. We are now deep within the earth’s molten core, perhaps too deep to ever see the light of day again.”
“Why don’t we just live here, and form our own underground society?” Esther suggested.
“Okay,” smiled Jenny. “I get to be the daddy!”
Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Driddy continued hopping.
“Open that door!” his grandfather yelled. “Stop hopping! Open the door and stop hopping! Stop hopping and open the door! Open the door and open the door and stop hopping and open the door!” he yelled and yelled.
Driddy continued to hop.