Bored here in Beavercreek, Ohio – home of the Battling Beavers – I went to go see a movie tonight at the new cineplex over by the not-quite-as-new-but-still-somewhat-new-in-the-grand-scheme-of-things mall. As I approached the door to the theater, it was fully my intention to see “Dude, Where’s My Car?” However, I chickened out, because I didn’t think I would be able to deadpan “Yes, one for ‘Dude, Where’s My Car?’ please,” with the precise comic delivery that line requires. So I said “maybe later” to Kelso and Stiffler, and I bought a ticket for “Cast Away.” Everyone’s amazed at how much weight Tom Hanks lost in the making of the movie. I was amazed at what a tub of lard he was at the beginning of the film. I bet he packed on the pounds before shooting the early scenes just to make the later loss more dramatic-like. Helen Hunt was annoying. Why was she cast? There are dozens of actresses who could have done more with that role. I liked her on “Mad About You” as much as anyone, but she seems to be stuck in character from that show. Well, I suppose it won her an Oscar.

Suddenly I’m reimagining “Cast Away” as a “Mad About You” TV-movie reunion, aired during sweeps, featuring Paul Reiser getting washed up on the island, instead of Tom Hanks. Now, THAT’s a funny picture. Dramatic, not so much.

I promise I will not mention Kelso in my next entry. Unless I have a really good reason.

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