I just watched some of a softcore porno film in which every on-screen participant was just physically repulsive. Now, I have nothing at all against ugly people getting it on, even girls with mousy faces and hilariously fake everything, and porky guys with bad haircuts and hairy backs. In these movies, the actual appearance of the actors is not as important as it seems, thanks to lighting, cinematography, judicious editing, etc. But these folks were just hideous. I swear, they looked like Daniel Clowes drawings.

I mean, in any cast of softcore players, you’re going to get some hard faces. But for the entire company to be so downright nasty is quite remarkable, and I choose to believe that it was deliberate casting by the director. After all, the world of secret sex cults is a seedy one, and who better to convey that ugliness than the nastiest, trashiest softcore actors and actresses around?

And to think that if I had studied a little harder in my film classes in college, I could be living the dream and directing these movies myself.

Daily Hey Magic Number: 14