I have whored myself: December 29’s Hey is now also available for view at hurmas.com.

Also, I have whored myself by sleeping with women for money. Boo-yah!

I just ate an entire column of saltines in one sitting. Mm-hmm.

My white blood cells have been so busy repairing my canker sores that they left the rest of me unguarded. Thus, I have been invaded by a cold of some sort. The white blood cell that represents my body’s Secretary of Defense has been sacked. At least I no longer have cankers.