Lucas Blue: so I’ve been thinking about the giant inflatable ape on the roof of my building
Lucas Red: oh?
Lucas Blue: it is tall and alarming
Lucas Red: and advertising new apartments!
Lucas Blue: yeah, the place has been under construction since I moved in, and they’re finally almost ready
Lucas Red: and so is the pool!
Lucas Blue: I am too fat to go swimming in public
Lucas Red: Nonsense. Swimming is more fun when you are fat. You can make your belly jiggle by pushing water towards it.
Lucas Blue: you’re right, that is fun, and fat makes it possible
Lucas Red: fat is fabulous
Lucas Blue: fat is my friend
Lucas Red: fat GIRLS are your friend. Yowza.
Lucas Blue: seriously, though
Lucas Blue: I need to lose some weight or I’m going to need to buy new pants
Lucas Red: I’m going to be honest here.
Lucas Red: You should probably buy new pants anyway.
Lucas Red: In your first week at work you tore two different pairs of pants on the metal keyboard tray holder under your desk.
Lucas Blue: the tear didn’t break the skin fabric!
Lucas Red: no, but there is clear scarring. And everyone at work is wondering WTF is up.
Lucas Blue: it’s a good thing I don’t wear the pants with the bleach stains on them.
Lucas Blue: but that’s really only because I can’t find them.
Lucas Red: the point here is that you have three “good” pairs of pants and two of them look like you’ve been selectively lighting bits of them on fire.
Lucas Blue: they do not!
Lucas Red: you dress like a bag lady!
Lucas Blue: I don’t have to listen to you! You’re not my REAL mom!
Lucas Red: that hurts.
Lucas Blue: So I’ve been thinking of adding a new feature to the site.
Lucas Red: Oh?
Lucas Blue: Yeah, something to get me writing again.
Lucas Red: Are you out of drawings?
Lucas Blue: Not “out of”, exactly. But since I returned to the daily format a couple months ago I have been burning through my existing artwork at an alarming pace.
Lucas Red: So you need to slow the bleeding.
Lucas Blue: Right, and give myself time to do more stuff.
Lucas Red: Why did you go back to the daily format in the first place, if you aren’t capable of producing the material to support it?
Lucas Blue: I think that I am.
Lucas Red: But you have been relying heavily on notebook doodles and such from up to thirteen years ago.
Lucas Blue: It is true. I comb through old notebooks and sketchbooks and look for things that are worth posting. It’s quicker than doing new stuff.
Lucas Red: Why do you do this in the first place? Is it so that strangers will look at your work and decide that you are awesome?
Lucas Blue: It is for that, and also to entertain my friends who infrequently stop by, and also to create a record, I guess.
Lucas Red: A record?
Lucas Blue: Of my development as an artist.
Lucas Red: You barely ever put dates on anything you draw.
Lucas Blue: It’s a vague record. All of the recordkeeping I do is vague. That’s why I have so much trouble during tax season.
Lucas Red: Anyway. You’ve burned through all your old drawings, you need time to make more, and you want to keep the daily format. Why not switch back to writing for a while?
Lucas Blue: That’s exactly my thinking. But I don’t see myself switching back to writing exclusively, or even writing frequently. There is a reason I haven’t written much lately. I am not generally inspired to write.
Lucas Red: You have writer’s block.
Lucas Blue: I have writer’s fucking Great Wall of China.
Lucas Red: So what recourse have you?
Lucas Blue: This is my reasoning: I am uninspired to write and I am no good at talking. But the one channel of communication in which I currently have any skill is instant messaging.
Lucas Red: Because you have the luxury of taking the time to figure out what you want to say, but not so much time that you overthink it and don’t say anything.
Lucas Blue: Yes.
Lucas Red: So you’re going to post more IM conversations?
Lucas Blue: I’m going to post IM conversations with myself.
Lucas Red: With me?
Lucas Blue: Yes.
Lucas Red: How will people tell us apart?
Lucas Blue: I’ll give us “blue” and “red” designations.
Lucas Red: To symbolize the deep ideological split that has taken place in these United States?
Lucas Blue: I was thinking of it as an homage to that Superman story from years ago where he splits in two or something. Suddenly there are two Supermen. One is red and one is blue.
Lucas Red: They did that story again a number of years ago, when Superman was in his electric-powers period.
Lucas Blue: Of course they did. People were asking too many questions about Electric Superman. They needed a distraction.
Lucas Red: Are you insinuating our readers need a distraction?
Lucas Blue: No. But I do.
Lucas Red: And you think people will read this?
Lucas Blue: It’s possible.
Lucas Red: It’ll never work.