First. Last night, while watching the Nine O’Clock News on WFLD-TV, the local Fox affiliate, I realized I was in love with weekend co-anchor Nancy Pender. I wonder if she is married. I bet she is. (They always are.) But if she’s not, and if one of you kids out in cyberspace knows how to contact her, give me a lead. I want to ask her out on a date. Maybe dinner and a movie or something, followed by a walk in the park. (The walk would take place in some other city besides Chicago, which is very cold currently. Perhaps it would take place in Paris. I don’t know if Paris is cold right now, but even when Paris is cold, Paris is still Paris.) I am willing to overlook the difference in our ages, Nancy, if it means I can gaze into your starry eyes.
Second. Someone left a grayish-green woolen hat over at my place Friday night. If you would like to claim it, please stop by the box office from 6 PM to 9 PM Tuesday through Thursday. Be prepared to describe it in detail to prove it is yours. If it is not claimed by Thursday, it will be fed to the cat.