Hi, everyone! Lucas here. You know, the guy who keeps posting all the excuses?

Well, I don’t have an excuse tonight. What I want tonight is to know whether you’ve posted to my forum lately. For most of you, the answer is surely: “No, Lucas. I have not posted to your forum lately. Neither have I ever at any point posted to your forum. So why should I start now?”

You’d have to be dancing around naked in a thunderstorm, wearing a blindfold, cupping your hands over your ears and yelling “LA LA LA LA LA” not to notice that this is a very exciting time for the Internet. The Lucubus Forum, as a bonafide component of the Internet, is, as well, an exciting place to be. Why, just the other day a girl posted who had links to naked photographs of herself. As a wholesome, clean-cut Christian with nice Christian values and a sharp Christian haircut, I can’t say I condone such behavior, but I’ll be danged if it isn’t exciting.

Also, if you haven’t been visiting my forum, you’ve missed out on my in-depth Survivor: Marquesas play-by-play. You’ve been missing out on Natalie Portman running around with guns, Billy Campbell and Bruce Campbell duking it out, and Jim Ellwanger’s soon-to-be-legendary “Ask a Closed Captioner”!

So what the fuck are you waiting for, you stupid piece of shit? Create a new account and start posting in my forum!