"What the hell? Where am I? And what are you doing here?"
"Unless I’m mistaken, I believe that we’re in heaven."
"Do you think? I don’t seem to remember dying. You’d think I’d remember something so significant."
"Perhaps it happened while you were asleep."
"Well, what about you, smart guy? Do YOU remember dying?"
"I seem to recall suffering from some sort of brain disorder."
"Hello, fellas, good to see you. Miltie, Dudley."
"God!"
"Nah, it’s me, George. So, it looks like you fellas have passed away!"
"So it would appear."
"Heh. Lemme show you guys around. Heaven’s a real nice place to live. Friendly people, lots of sunshine… not too many teenagers."
"Good. These teenagers and their rock music!"
"Of course, age no longer means anything here. I mean, I’ve been polishing my stand-up act, and all the great bits about being old I used to use? Gotta take ‘em out. The audiences here will laugh at them, but only to be polite."
"What about adult diaper routines?"
"Those are out too. On the plus side, here in heaven there is no need for adult diapers."
"I can tell this is going to take some getting used to."
"Don’t worry mate, we’ll help each other out."
"George Harrison!"
"That’s right. I’m so relieved to finally see another Englishman here… most of us have gone to hell."
"Wait. Are you telling me that Lennon kid didn’t make it into heaven?"
"I think it was the ‘bigger than Jesus’ bit that damned him. That and writing ‘Imagine’."
"Hey, fellas."
"Jack! Walter! Good to see you."
"Have you seen Billy Wilder, by any chance?"
"We heard he fell off a turnip truck."
"No, he didn’t! He died of pneumonia! What do you want to go around saying a thing like that for?"
"I’m just saying what I heard. That’s all I’m saying. Putz."
"Sorry, guys, me and Dudley here just came in, and Billy Wilder wasn’t with us."
"He’ll be along shortly, Miltie, I just heard it on the radio."
"Frank Sinatra? How did you get into heaven?"
"Let’s just say that now me and the big man are square."
"Hello! My, what a very interesting place!"
"Say goodnight, Gracie!"
"I liked you better before you looked like a chimp!"
