All right. Let me get this straight. Yesterday, George W. Bush choked on a pretzel, fainting in the process. At around the same time, it was revealed that Prince Harry had partaken of the sweet doobage.

Am I to believe these events are unrelated?

Honestly. Reading between the lines of these two stories, it is fairly obvious that George W. and Prince Harry were hanging in W.’s crib, toking on some primo weed, when suddenly W. got a serious case of the munchies. He went into the White House pantry and opened up a box of Bavarians, but Harry was all, “Mate. I gotta bugger off home, to England. My dad, Prince Charles, will be royally peeved, pun intended, if he finds out I been out so late.” So, W.’s like all, “Later, dude,” and then he settles down in front of the tube to watch the ball game. At this point he is so wasted that he forgets he’s eating and not smoking, so he inhales the pretzel instead of chewing it, and then he chokes. Meanwhile, Prince Harry gets home, to England, and his dad, Prince Charles, is totally waiting inside the royal castle when he crosses the moat, and says, “Blimey, son. Crikey, I smell mary jane on your knickers, so I do. Wot would your poor dead mum, Princess Diana, ‘af to say about that, I wonder? Nuffin’ pleasant, ‘at’s wot!”

How easily the pieces slide together.