Streptococcus is every bit as dirty as it sounds

“I’m sick,” I said.

“How long have you been sick?” the doctor asked.

“A week,” I told her.

“Open your mouth and stick out your tongue,” she said. I did so. She shined a light into my throat and turned away in horror.

“STREPTOCOCCUS!!!” she screamed. “The worst case I’ve ever seen! Quick,” she said, handing me a bottle of pills, “take these. And make sure you are not around people for the next three days or else you will infect them with STREPTOCOCCUS!!!

Later, at home, I decided to look into my throat and see for myself. My bathroom was dark, so I manipulated my wall-mounted shaving mirror until it was shining a light directly onto my tonsils.


My normally pink throat was covered in large white polka dots. It was as if bits of it had been bleached. It somewhat resembled a marshmallow swirl. Suddenly, my uvula started vibrating at a very high speed. Soon, I realized it was because I was screaming.


Oh, but I’m feeling much better now.

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