27 | January | 2005 | The Lucubus

You are watching television. It is a game show or something. It doesn’t matter.

Your doorbell rings. You become aware that you are not wearing pants.

> PUT ON PANTS

If only it were that simple. Your pants are nowhere to be seen.

Your doorbell rings again. It sounds somewhat agitated. It’s not, though. It’s a doorbell. It has no emotions.

> OPEN DOOR

Don’t you want to see who it is before you go presenting your tattered, ill-fitting briefs to them?

> LOOK OUT WINDOW

It is a beautiful sunny day.

A man in a dark suit is standing on your doorstep looking impatient. You do not recognize him.

> LOOK ROOM

Your living room is sparsely decorated, as are you. Your television blares loudly in the corner.

From here you can go to: Kitchen, Bathroom

> BATHROOM

You enter your bathroom. It smells vaguely of farts. A bathrobe hangs on a hook on the back of the door.

> PUT ON BATHROBE

You slip into your dirty (but not as dirty as your underwear) terrycloth robe. You feel adequately dressed.

The doorbell rings again, twice in a row.

> LIVING ROOM

You return to your living room. It is as you left it.

> OPEN DOOR

You open the door.

The man in the dark suit nods his head in greeting. “Hello, my name is Mr. Buttons. I’ve been hired to kill you.” He pulls a pistol out of his jacket.

> CLOSE DOOR