Complicated feelings

“I’m sad,” I said.

“Why are you sad?” she asked.

“I’m sad because I think I’m sad,” I said.

“Why do you think you’re sad?” she asked.

“I think I’m sad because I feel sad,” I said.

“Why do you feel sad?” she asked.

“I feel sad because I always feel sad. I’m sad that I think I’m sad all the time,” I said.

(Thirty seconds of silence.)

“Come to think of it, I may not even be sad. It’s possible that I just think I’m sad. This sadness that I feel could be completely fake. That I may have been suckered in by counterfeit sadness saddens me,” I said.

“Why do you think it might be fake?” she asked.

“I know how it feels to feel sad. The feeling of feeling sad is something that I’m very aware of when I’m feeling it. But since this feeling is familiar to me, it is possible for me to feel the feeling without feeling the sadness. And I know I’m feeling it. I can feel myself feeling it,” I said.

“Just because you know you’re feeling something, and can feel yourself feeling a certain way, it doesn’t mean you’re not really feeling it. It’s a real feeling. Feeling is independent of truth. If you feel sad, you are sad, regardless of whether you are actually sad. Feeling is also independent of metafeeling. If you feel sad, you are sad, regardless of whether you feel yourself feeling sad,” she said.

(Thirty seconds of silence.)

“So. Are you sad?” she asked.

“Yes?” I said.

Text-based adventure

You are watching television. It is a game show or something. It doesn’t matter.

Your doorbell rings. You become aware that you are not wearing pants.

> PUT ON PANTS

If only it were that simple. Your pants are nowhere to be seen.

Your doorbell rings again. It sounds somewhat agitated. It’s not, though. It’s a doorbell. It has no emotions.

> OPEN DOOR

Don’t you want to see who it is before you go presenting your tattered, ill-fitting briefs to them?

> LOOK OUT WINDOW

It is a beautiful sunny day.

A man in a dark suit is standing on your doorstep looking impatient. You do not recognize him.

> LOOK ROOM

Your living room is sparsely decorated, as are you. Your television blares loudly in the corner.

From here you can go to: Kitchen, Bathroom

> BATHROOM

You enter your bathroom. It smells vaguely of farts. A bathrobe hangs on a hook on the back of the door.

> PUT ON BATHROBE

You slip into your dirty (but not as dirty as your underwear) terrycloth robe. You feel adequately dressed.

The doorbell rings again, twice in a row.

> LIVING ROOM

You return to your living room. It is as you left it.

> OPEN DOOR

You open the door.

The man in the dark suit nods his head in greeting. “Hello, my name is Mr. Buttons. I’ve been hired to kill you.” He pulls a pistol out of his jacket.

> CLOSE DOOR

Sorry, I don’t understand that command.

> RUN AWAY

Sorry, I don’t understand that command.

> ESCAPE

Sorry, I don’t understand that command.

Mr. Buttons pulls a cartridge out of another pocket and slides it into the pistol.

> PUNCH MAN

Sorry, I don’t understand that command.

> KICK MAN

Sorry, I don’t understand that command.

Mr. Buttons holds the pistol against your forehead.

> DUCK

Sorry, I don’t understand that command.

> QUIT

Would you like to save your game?

> YES

Your game has been saved.

Thank you for playing.