Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I would like to submit that my brain has been broken for nearly two months now. My thoughts have all been rigid and non-verbal. The process of putting words together is even a little nauseating.
It is worth noting, though, that my brain has kind of taken a beating lately. Let’s go back over the details. July was a fairly productive month for me, so we’ll start there, saying that my brain was operating at about 90% functionality (that would be 90% of the one-tenth of our brains that we humans use), and assess the damage I have taken in the interim.
Internet girls visiting from out of town for comic convention leads to traumatic experience on my part. (87%)
A self-imposed cessation of the ingestion of various prescribed materials for longstanding medical conditions due to possible negative side effects. (80%)
Trip to West Coast broadens horizons, results in unhappiness with current life. (78%)
Realization that starting school means I’m stuck in Chicago for three more years. (77%)
Weeklong separation from cat. (74%)
Appearance of large painful furuncle on chin and accompanying symptoms, including flulike nose and throat issues and mentally crippling inner ear pain. (64%)
Furuncle and symptoms linger for at least three weeks. (60%)
Meanwhile, preparations to leave work and return to school continue. (55%)
Last day of work, accompanied by struggle to try to get as much done as possible during last week. (52%)
No break between work and school. (51%)
School begins, shattering every iota of self-confidence in intelligence and talent, not to mention sending social skills back into gutter. (41%)
Much like college the first time around. (40%)
Notable largely for daily bouts of crushing self-doubt. (37%)
Furuncle finally goes away. (39%)
Organizing a move into a new apartment begins. (37%)
Move is executed. (35%)
Unpacking begins. (34%)
School workload increases suddenly, resulting in disruption of already volatile sleep patterns. (31%)
At worst, three sleepless nights in a one-week period. (27%)
Crushing self-doubt continues. (25%)
NaNoWriMo begins. For some reason, I have registered again. I then cheerfully begin revising the layout of my website. My brain is broken.
Is it any wonder I can’t think lately? Can’t think, can barely string sentences together when I speak, can’t write anything down without some form of agony. That is probably why I signed up to write a novel again this year – to force the gears turning again. Of course, if those gears don’t want to move, there’s a chance I could strip them completely. And in this analogy I’m not sure what happens to me if this happens, but it certainly can’t be good. But this is what I do, and for some reason, I am choosing to continue doing it in the face of this.
Cover me. I’m going in.