Lucas Blue: so I’ve been thinking about the giant inflatable ape on the roof of my building
Lucas Red: oh?
Lucas Blue: it is tall and alarming
Lucas Red: and advertising new apartments!
Lucas Blue: yeah, the place has been under construction since I moved in, and they’re finally almost ready
Lucas Red: and so is the pool!
Lucas Blue: I am too fat to go swimming in public
Lucas Red: Nonsense. Swimming is more fun when you are fat. You can make your belly jiggle by pushing water towards it.
Lucas Blue: you’re right, that is fun, and fat makes it possible
Lucas Red: fat is fabulous
Lucas Blue: fat is my friend
Lucas Red: fat GIRLS are your friend. Yowza.
Lucas Blue: seriously, though
Lucas Blue: I need to lose some weight or I’m going to need to buy new pants
Lucas Red: I’m going to be honest here.
Lucas Red: You should probably buy new pants anyway.
Lucas Red: In your first week at work you tore two different pairs of pants on the metal keyboard tray holder under your desk.
Lucas Blue: the tear didn’t break the skin fabric!
Lucas Red: no, but there is clear scarring. And everyone at work is wondering WTF is up.
Lucas Blue: it’s a good thing I don’t wear the pants with the bleach stains on them.
Lucas Blue: but that’s really only because I can’t find them.
Lucas Red: the point here is that you have three “good” pairs of pants and two of them look like you’ve been selectively lighting bits of them on fire.
Lucas Blue: they do not!
Lucas Red: you dress like a bag lady!
Lucas Blue: I don’t have to listen to you! You’re not my REAL mom!
Lucas Red: that hurts.