Me: “Sometimes I wish that I could just pick you up and throw you around.”

Her: “What does that even mean?”

Me: “I’m not sure, but I mean it affectionately.”

Her: “Well, that’s the spirit in which I’m choosing to take it.”

Me: “Good, because that’s the spirit in which I meant it.”

[beat]

Me: “Sometimes I wish I could dunk you like a basketball.”