Today, as I sat in the cafeteria eating my lunch, which consisted of a turkey cobb salad wrap (sans bacon ? I’m trying to get healthy, don’t you know), I was overcome by the desire to blow my nose. In fact, it is not at all uncommon for me to desire to blow my nose whilst I am eating, and the slight cold I have had for the last few days simply made the condition more pronounced. I reached for one of the many extra napkins I had appropriated while in line for the cash register ? I am in the habit of obtaining extra napkins for exactly this purpose ? and proceeded to blow my nose into it. As I did so, a young man with long hair appeared in front of me, and asked for my attention.

It is not common for nasal discharge to make a noise on its own, after it has actually been blown out of the nasal passages, that is. As I looked up at the man, however, there was an audible snap as a clingy boogery mass reluctantly broke away from the inside of my right nostril and found a new home in the brown paper napkin. The young man stared at me briefly, blinked his eyes, and, smiling slightly, began his presentation.

The presentation consisted of him asking me whether I would be interested in viewing a trailer for a new Matthew Perry/Elizabeth Hurley (or was it Elizabeth Berkley?) movie and participating in valuable marketing research. But that part of the story is not very interesting. I just wanted to share the bit about the booger, and the young man’s impressive lack of reaction to it, despite having clearly seen it, and heard it, in all its boogery glory.

Because, you see, I am gross.

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