The following is an excerpt from my unpublished/unfinished novel TUTTI, Chapter 2: “The Cage”.
Chad Roman, father of two, husband of one, pulled his light blue Honda Civic into the driveway of his suburban tri-level home. It was a Friday evening and he was relieved to be free from work for the weekend. Today had been particularly stressful due to paperwork, deadlines, and the fact that the boss had inadvertently stapled his secretary?s brassiere to his thigh. All told, a relatively difficult day in the grand scheme, and what better way to unwind than by spending time in the home he (and his bank) owned, basking in the admiration of his two golden-haired daughters and his beautiful, charming wife, assisting in the preparation of and finding enjoyment in a delicious meal involving some sort of meat combined with some sort of vegetable, watching his favorite television programs in between conversing with his family during commercials, and then, later, after the girls had been tucked in tightly for the night, engaging in a lively bout of group sex with the neighbors.
?Fridays are my favorite days,? he thought to himself with a smile.
He stepped out of his car and into the still-bright afternoon sun. The front door of his house burst open and his laughing, delighted children came rushing out to greet him. His smiling wife, arms folded, leaned against the doorframe and shook her head gently in pride. Ari, 7, and Seph, 5, leapt with dexterity into Daddy?s waiting arms. He dropped his briefcase, grabbed one under each arm, and carried them into the house.
?Oh, honey!? Julie sighed as she picked up the briefcase from the neatly trimmed grass and followed them inside.
?How was school today?? Chad inquired of his eldest child.
?School was super duper butt!? Ari yelled in response, as she was wont to do. ?Mrs. Fitzsimmons made us all put our heads down on our desks because Kevin flicked a booger at her butt!?
?Booger booger booger!? Seph replied.
?So you all had to place your heads on your desks?? Chad inquired further.
?Yeah well Kevin picked his nose and flicked his booger at Mrs. Fitzsimmons?s butt and it stuck right to her butt and when she turned around to write on the whiteboard everybody saw the booger and it was big and gross so we screamed.?
?I see,? Chad noted. ?Did you inform Mrs. Fitzsimmons of the booger, or did she think you were all just screaming for no reason??
?Please!? Julie laughed. ?Some of us are trying to eat, here!? At that moment, Seph grabbed a fistful of mashed potatoes and stuffed them into her mouth. ?Use your fork, honey.?
?Jenny told her about the booger but she didn?t believe her so she had a booger on her butt, like, all day. It was something else,? Ari stated.
Julie?s eyes met Chad?s and they smiled. Chad ignored the adorable prattling of his children for a couple moments and admired his pretty wife: golden-haired (like his daughters), deep blue eyes, alabaster skin, curvy and bosomy and well-proportioned, with the sex drive of a porn star. This aspect was appropriate, given that Julie was, in fact, an ex-porn star ? although, asked about it now, she would likely downplay the whole ?star? status. ?I was a cog in a machine,? she would say. ?I was part of a team.?
Daily Hey Magic Number: 27