I just saw a lip balm commercial featuring Colleen Haskell of “Survivor” fame. She’s no Nancy Pender, looks-wise, but I wouldn’t mind she and I being the last two humans alive on the planet. Also, were I to die in such a way that several of my major organs were still operational, I would happily have them donated to Colleen. Even if she did not need them, I would have them placed on retainer in the event she ever would. Even now, still alive, I would at a moment’s notice trade my legs, which are hairless and shapely, with hers, which are infected and scarred and shapely.

“If I could, I would, but I don’t know how” – Phish

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