Congratulations to Jenn and Todd Carney on the birth of baby boy Aidan!
AIDAN TRAVIS CARNEY, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to be a baby for the next few years, crying and pooping when necessary to accomplish objectives; after these objectives are met, you are to be a young child, and then an older child, and then a teenager ? again, crying and pooping when necessary, but also incorporating field assignments such as going to school, riding a bike, playing baseball, et cetera.
If you accomplish all these goals, then you will grow up to be, perhaps, as great as this man:
At the very least, one day you will get to see this picture.
This message will not self-destruct.