There is currently a feature on me in the Northwestern library publication The Lantern, which you can read if you have Acrobat Reader. The issue is (mostly) devoted to new employees. I’ve been at the library for almost a year at this point, but I’m still relatively wide-eyed and fresh. In addition to reading the article, see if you can spot the photo of my complexion and I posing together on the front cover.

Sigh.

I have whored myself: December 29’s Hey is now also available for view at hurmas.com.

Also, I have whored myself by sleeping with women for money. Boo-yah!

I just ate an entire column of saltines in one sitting. Mm-hmm.

My white blood cells have been so busy repairing my canker sores that they left the rest of me unguarded. Thus, I have been invaded by a cold of some sort. The white blood cell that represents my body’s Secretary of Defense has been sacked. At least I no longer have cankers.

I appear to have taken another vacation. This time, it is because I have been busy spending every waking hour playing Baldur’s Gate II. My character is a female bard named Alouette. Her primary weapon is a Long Bow +3, but I also have her equipped with a Long Sword +3 and several wands. Her armor class is a little on the high side, so I keep her towards the back of the party, but I have her cast Armor and that brings her AC down to 1 or 2. (She can’t wear regular armor or she’ll lose her mage abilities.)

However, RPGers are geeks.

I am so very, very tired. Also, I am very hungry. And dirty. I am tired, hungry, and dirty. And I have to go to the bathroom. And also I have a headache. If only mankind in all its technical wizardry could invent one miracle panacea that would cure all these conditions at once! Add canker sores to that as well. No nausea, but I have my fingers crossed.

Is anyone actually reading this?

Hello to you, my bonnie wee moppets. I have been on vacation all week. Not really. I have been throwing up. Not really. I threw up twice: once in the men’s room in the staff lounge at work, and again while I was cleaning up the aforementioned mess. There is nothing like violently vomiting twice in rapid succession to get the blood pumping and the sick time used up. I should not have drunk the Hawaiian Punch for breakfast that morning. That was a mistake. It is really a dinner drink.

To those of you who have been asking: yes, the Belly Twins are available for parties, weddings, bar mitzvahs, and the like. However, they are accompanied at all times by a very surly, very hairy bodyguard who is not afraid to use – nay, eager to use – his brass knuckles. So, think twice before getting grabby.