Two things.

First. Last night, while watching the Nine O’Clock News on WFLD-TV, the local Fox affiliate, I realized I was in love with weekend co-anchor Nancy Pender. I wonder if she is married. I bet she is. (They always are.) But if she’s not, and if one of you kids out in cyberspace knows how to contact her, give me a lead. I want to ask her out on a date. Maybe dinner and a movie or something, followed by a walk in the park. (The walk would take place in some other city besides Chicago, which is very cold currently. Perhaps it would take place in Paris. I don’t know if Paris is cold right now, but even when Paris is cold, Paris is still Paris.) I am willing to overlook the difference in our ages, Nancy, if it means I can gaze into your starry eyes.

Second. Someone left a grayish-green woolen hat over at my place Friday night. If you would like to claim it, please stop by the box office from 6 PM to 9 PM Tuesday through Thursday. Be prepared to describe it in detail to prove it is yours. If it is not claimed by Thursday, it will be fed to the cat.

So, uh… what else is happening in the world? That Middle East strife still going on? These elections are taking up valuable space in the media, and other things deserving coverage are getting ignored. For example, the Middle East. Have they all died over there yet? Also, commentaries on the new fall TV shows are not getting fair representation. We lost Deadline, and nobody noticed. Deadline! I loved that show. Oh, I didn’t watch it, no. But I loved it. And it’s not just the new shows that are losing out. Returning shows, such as Two Guys and a Girl – which has evolved into a bawdy, hilarious farce – aren’t getting the attention and/or respect from critics that they deserve.

There is no more justice in this old world.